debunking a myth of positive psychology
I didn’t fall into the field of positive psychology because I was happy…
That’s right. Being a Positive Psychology Coach, does not mean I am always happy, nor has it ever been about the goal of only being happy. As a matter of fact, it is the very opposite for me and for most others I’ve met within this field of research. I was in a bad place when I went searching for a solution to the darkness I was experiencing. I was care taking for a mother recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I had bounced between jobs only to end up in a role that was highly purposeful but also traumatic being the HR support person for over two-hundred doctors treating an Ebola epidemic in West Africa. I had the stress of planning a wedding. My life was going at full speed and I was having panic attacks from all the pressure to show up, to be perfect, to do it all. Although there were things that I did feel generally positive about in my life, something was majorly off-balance for me. Therapy seemed like the logical option, but I felt a resistance towards it. I knew what therapy was, I had been in therapy before, but something in me knew it wasn’t what I needed at the time. I didn’t need to focus on the past or process these issues I was carrying, so much as lay the groundwork to begin moving forward. I felt stuck with so much promise and potential in front of me and no way to get there because frankly, I was burnt out.
This is when I came across positive psychology coaching. I didn’t quite know what it was, but it was different. I knew that one thing I could benefit from given the heaviness of my work and family matters, was a little more positivity in my future, and I loved learning how coaching is a modality that moves us forward from where we currently are to where we want to be. No sitting on a therapist’s couch reflecting on childhood issues for me.
When I first met with my positive psychology coach, she stopped me right in my tracks. She was full of zest, curiosity, and humor. I loved how real she was and the tools she gave me right away to begin “doing the work”. I started out meditating, then gratitude journaling, and spending a hell of a lot of time self-reflecting and discovering what really lights me up. Yes, I had built the life I wanted, but it wasn’t truly the right life for me. I began to reimagine my future more explicitly for the new reality I was facing. What were my values and priorities? Once I began to paint this future vision for myself, I had a newfound clarity, a breath of fresh air, an excitement of what my life was meant to be. And I went off to start taking the steps to truly achieve all of it.
Was there hesitation? Yes. Obstacles? Sure Thing. Failure? Plenty of that too. Most importantly, there was fear. And a lot of it. A fear of what change would do to my life. It took me six months going in circles with my coach before having the courage to quit my job. When I did, it was the biggest leap of faith I’ve taken and that says something because a week after quitting my job I also happened to go bungee jumping in New Zealand. But what I traded a life of fear with, was a life of love. And I’ve been living with love as my guiding light ever since. Love for my family, my friends, for my work, for my hopes and dreams.
So, I ask this question for those of you sitting in a place that may feel dark, stressful, busy, heavy, anxiety-ridden, and tiring, right now, where are you letting fear guide your decisions in life?
Now, where do you want to begin to allow letting love take the reins? If you lived your life with more love, what would you be doing differently? What would giving yourself more permission to experience more positivity do for you? I think it may just give you the keys to unlock the door to building a life that truly fits you.
